


Recovering our Heaven

by Doublematch



Series: To love and protect [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: AU: Crowley is an Asura, DM!God, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Aziraphale (Good Omens), Hurt Crowley, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 01:47:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20056030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doublematch/pseuds/Doublematch
Summary: Following the events of "All of me against all of them", Crowley is not a demon anymore. He's not on Heaven's book either. His boss is now THE boss. He has become an Asura, and She is the only one he will respond to. He will do it, for a price: his love happiness.Aziraphale is still a mess from all that he endured, his will frail and uncertain.Hastur and Gabriel are very much dead.What will happen now?Rape is in the past, but it's implied.Summary of "All of me against all of them" in the first chapter notes, if you are not up for reading it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for joining in this new adventure.  
My vision of Asuras is mutated from Marvel-Earth 616, but is not my only inspiration. Just so you know.  
I'm not so sure about the rating, maybe it will go down, but Aziraphale was violated and he thinks about it a lot.  
Obviously between the characters there will be DM!God, but I'm not sure on what She will do this time.  
I don't own any of the characters on this work, and no real angel was hurt to give you nightmares. Maybe some demon was, but just for fun.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A summary of "All of me against all of them", since not all want to read garphic descriptions.
> 
> Hastur and Gabriel kidnapped Aziraphale and abused him.   
Crowley, with help from the Tadesfield gang, finds him and frees him.   
To do so, since he don't want to use miracles to not be traced, he enchants two swords and two daggers.  
When he sees Aziraphale in a dream, he prays God.   
DM!God hears him, her tears wipe out Crowley's character sheet and she uses her tears to write his background again, making him an Asura.   
Crowley is hit with his own holy blade, and discovers he's immune to holy now.   
God forbids Heaven to vindicate Gabriel then go speak with Crowley.
> 
> That's all you need to know.

Beelzebub was alone in front of the London Eye. They will not get on it today, or never again. There was no point of it now.  
They blessed Gabriel's name. Why didn't he consult before pulling that stunt with Hastur, of all the demons in Hell?  
"Because you would have stopped him.", supplied a voice from behind.  
They turned to face Michael.  
"Why didn't you?"  
“We didn’t know. Did you knew what Hastur was doing? Corrupting an archangel?”  
Fire started pooling into their hands.  
“Tell me what you want, pretty face. If it’s war, I’m up for it anytime.”  
“The Almighty commands us to not avenge him, and warns you against vindicating Hastur. She seems to have taken this personally.”  
“I see.”  
Michael took out some photos.  
“The demon Crowley was seen entering the Tower just before. I suppose he’s not on your books anymore.”  
Crowley. That nullity again, going around and ruining Beelzebub plans.  
They stopped a moment, like checking something.  
“No use of power from him in a while, and surely not near the Tower of London. But where he is, your stupid angel must be near.”  
Michael looked disappointed.  
“No miracle from him in a while either. Which is at least suspicious, since he uses a lot of them. "  
Beelzebub stares in the distance.  
" Loopholezzz. Leave that to uzzzz. We cannot go against them… "  
Michael was quick to understand.  
" But we could always make them pay. "  
The Lord of Hell nodded.  
" It will be our pleazzure. We will keepzzz in touchzzz." 

\--- 

In Soho, Crowley was holding a trembling Aziraphale.  
" I just want to make myself tea."  
"Then go, angel. Take my hand, I'll came with you."  
Fifteen days had passed since the rescue, and the only times he felt his love calm were the two visits they paid to Anathema.  
"One more step and…"  
Aziraphale stilled, eyes wide with fear.  
"I can't. Can we please go to your apartment for tea?"  
"Sure. Every wish you have is an order."  
With a snap, they were in the essential kitchen on Crowley's lair.  
"Dear, you really keep it too dark. Is a problem to add more lights?"  
They managed to brew the tea, and Crowley ported them back to the shop. After a couple sips, the angel curled against him on the sofa and fell asleep. He had taken to nap a lot, just to awaken full of fears.  
That was their daily routine.  
Crowley, he won't indulge on sleep anymore. The last time he slept was when he and Aziraphale shared a dream. Now, just the thought of not seeing the angel made him nauseous.  
It was good that his miracles weren't monitored anymore, but this half life could not continue.  
For Her sake, Aziraphale could not enter his own kitchen. The book he was reading was still untouched. The apartment made him tremble, with all the dark almost empty rooms. He relied entirely on Crowley for miracles, afraid they won't work. Last week there was a storm, and he could not stand the thunders.  
They needed a change. A big one. Away from the city.  
Crowley retrieved a notebook and continued a sketch. It was a big house with enough space for the angel's books and his plants. Maybe an observatory to look at the stars together. A big area to spread their wings. Space to spend the little time they had to enjoy with their human friends.  
The aura of love and protection Adam emitted around Tadesfield would help his angel to feel better.  
The asura looked briefly up.  
"I hope this is not too big to request. It's not for me, it's for him. I'll do whatever for him. "  
A voice resounded on his thoughts.  
-Even what I asked you? -  
"Yes. You know I would have done it anyway."  
-Then, we have a deal-  
The shift on reality could be sensed even in London.  
Aziraphale jumped awake.  
"What was that?", asked clinging on Crowley's shoulders.  
"A gift for you, my angel."  
Two phones ring simultaneously.  
"Take my cell phone, I will deal with the shop one."  
On the shop line there was Adam.  
"What did you do? There is a brand new house in my personal town, and everyone seems to think it has been here for years! You cannot go and change my home like that!"  
"Sorry kid, not me. Not really. I just asked a favor upstairs. Didn't think She would go so big."  
"Well, when you came to your blasted house you better leave me, Dog and Them play in your humongous garden."  
"I would not want it any other way, Adam." 

The other phone call wasn't going so smoothly. Anathema was in front of the mansion, and Aziraphale didn't really know nothing.  
"It says Crowley-Fell on the fucking gate. How can you not know?"  
"My dear, I really…"  
Crowley snatched the phone.  
"Anathema, it's all OK."  
"All ok? A forsaken mansion just pops out on the other side of the road from my cottage, everyone thinks it's normal, Adam didn't answer the phone and you have the nerve to tell me it's all bloody OK?"  
"I'll explain tomorrow."  
"You better." 

Aziraphale was still petrified.  
"Well that went down like a lead balloon. Again. Sorry my angel, I wanted it to be a surprise."  
"Count me surprised then. Why a mansion?"  
Crowley took his sketches.  
"Let's face it. You need to get away from bad memories. And you look so happy on Tadesfield. I've thought about everything, look here", he pointed, "a big library for you. And here, a big walk in closet. And lots of light. A big kitchen to try and do whatever you fancy. Your favorite restaurants will be an hour away with the Bentley, but just say the word and I'll take you everywhere you want to go in the Universe. And… "  
He stopped.  
Aziraphale was crying.  
" Oh no, no, no… What did I do wrong, my angel? Can I hold you? "  
Aziraphale nodded. Once safe between his love arms, he found a way to talk.  
" All of this. For me? "  
" For you. "  
" Thank you. I'm not worthy of all this trouble."  
Crowley resisted the impulse to kiss him.  
" You are worthy of all the troubles on Earth, Heaven or even Hell."  
-And I just took over the duty of eliminating them for you to be happy again. - was the part he left out. But he knew that, soon, he will have to tell him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's go Home.

They left for Tadefield before midnight. Aziraphale had a nightmare, and Crowley wanted desperately to calm him. Once on the Bentley, the angel relaxed and drifted into sleep; the asura slowed down to let him rest.  
Crowley had informed himself a bit about the ways humans react to traumas like the one his love endured: even if they weren't humans, their vessels were human shaped, so he expected some side reactions to be similar. He could feel all the pain clearly emanating from the angel and all the love trying to shine through that dark cloud only to be distorted in self-loathing.  
Still new to this new array of abilities, like sensing even the positive sentiments, he felt constantly overwhelmed. Once at home, he will need training to control this better.  
Home.  
He never had one, the closest thing was the bookshop. No, the closest thing was Aziraphale's smile. He missed it terribly. 

With a snap, he opened the big gate and then parked the Bentley.  
"Angel, we are home."  
"Crowley, dear, I was having a most wonderful of dreams about you building a house for us and…"  
The asura cupped slowly his love face with one hand.  
"Aziraphale, is not a dream. Look. Home."  
The mansion was exactly as he envisioned: white with black and gold accents, the iron decorations on the gates and balconies depicting white wings and realistic serpents.  
"Come on, I want to show you around"  
The angel gasped looking at it in the moonlight.  
"Crowley, this is too much!"  
"Only the best for you, angel."  
She had done it, as expected from Her, perfectly. The furniture was exactly what he dreamt of, and She did go the extra mile and made all the inside doors sliding ones.  
Aziraphale cooed and fussed over every single feature, and froze on the spot upon entering the still empty library.  
"We can miracle here all you books whenever you want, my angel."  
"Can we? Now? And my desk and my chair too? Can you do it for me, dear?", asked the angel sporting his best puppy eyes.  
"You do the desk and the chair. And maybe the sofa. I'll do the books."  
-C'mon angel, you still haven't tried a single miracle- was on Crowley's mind.  
"What if it won't work? She must be disgusted by me, She…"  
"Breath for me, angel. She adores you. She made all this just for you"  
-Gabriel, Hastur, you bastards. I would like to take you back just to kill you again a million times for what you’ve done. -  
Even if it was the middle of the night, the bell rang.  
It was a delivery men. In fact, it was the same delivery men they saw after Apoconot.  
"I have two packages here, one for Anthony J. Crowley and one for Mr. Fell. Would you please sign?"  
He stopped looking at them.  
"Didn't we met? Well, have a good night any way." 

They moved to the big table in the kitchen to open the presents, they couldn't be anything else. They even had big fluffy bows.  
Crowley tore the paper on his: it was a big chain with a platinum cross pendant. The cross ended as a blade, red lacquer along the point, and it was inlaid with rubies aside from the right arm, where a heart shaped sapphire rested.  
He made to touch it, but Aziraphale pushed him back.  
"Can't you feel it's holy? This is bad for you!"  
Crowley captured the angel's hands and circled gently the back with his thumbs.  
"Aziraphale, I have too. And holy can't hurt me anymore, remember? This is the symbol She once planned for the asuras to wear."  
He released the hands and put it on, the cross resting perfectly against his chest.  
"See, my love? No harm."  
Aziraphale eyed his package with uneasiness.  
"Want me to open it for you?"  
The angel nodded.  
It was a sword, so similar to the one War used that it could be the same. This one, however, had the pummel decorated with sapphires circling a single big ruby.  
In the box there was also a note and a pouch full of, from the aroma, tea leaves.  
They read the note.  
"I've made it more you, try not to misplace her this time. I suggest to name her.  
Remember that you will never need to ask twice from me, just be reasonable.  
If you ever need counsel badly just brew me a tea. No milk and two sugars."  
Aziraphale grabs the pouch and cries, grateful for the promise of never be forsaken by Her and for the special gift.  
Between the sobs, all Crowley can hear is a litany of " Thank you", and he let him be, because he can feel the clouds around him dispersing a little more with each tear.  
After a while, Aziraphale takes the leaves and hides them in a cupboard.  
"This would be only for real emergencies."  
The sword is still untouched.  
"Well, angel, it seems your old sword needs a new name."  
The angel slowly reach for the handle. As he touches her, the first light of the day start to color the sky. The flame on the blade shines with the same tints.  
"Dawn. For a new beginning with you."  
Crowley listened to the air.  
"Dawn. She likes it. Come, let's finish the tour and take her to her new friends."  
He took Aziraphale to the big room that occupies all the back of the house. A one way panels gave the impression of being in the garden.  
Crowley's weapons were already mounted on a wall (She is a perfectionist), and there was a place for Dawn just in the middle of them.  
Aziraphale looked around.  
"Why this room?"  
"To stretch our wings freely, my love.", answered Crowley manifesting his wings and gesturing for Aziraphale to do the same.  
"Let me groom yours, angel. I promise I will be gentle."  
Even if scared, the angel trusted him. They sat on the floor. And if the angel fell asleep in Crowley's arms, it was a secret between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this later, but I'm a bit stuck down the road and I need all your support. Please comment!  
As my usual, I've slow down because I'm working on another super secret fic, and I hate typing.  
Many thanks to Ashenaiulyk for her constant brainstorming, support and beta reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a Tuesday morning around late October.

The sun has risen fully for a while when the doorbell rang.  
Crowley slides gently Aziraphale down, still asleep, miracling a cushion for his head. Retracting his wings, he goes to the entrance hall where a belligerent Anathema was followed by a timid Newton.  
“The door was open. Are you insane or what?”  
“The door will always be open to our friends, Anathema. Come to the kitchen, I'll make some tea and try to explain.”  
A scream echoed through the hall.  
“Shit, he awaken.”  
Crowley miracled a kettle ready, tea and hot cocoa.  
“Go ahead to your left. We will be there as soon as possible.”  
Then he ran back to his love.  
“Aziraphale, I'm here.”  
The angel was trembling and crying.  
“Crowley, my dear. They didn't take you.”  
“It was a nightmare, angel. Come, cocoa is ready and Anathema is here to try and scold me.”  
The empty packages were still on one end of the table, the witch and Newton sat at the other.  
Crowley escorted Aziraphale near them and pulled out a chair for him to sit.  
All of them looked at the asura expectantly, so he started pacing, searching for the right words.  
“All right. I made an exchange.”  
Better tell all of it now. Like a … the thing that's better off on one go.  
“I know, never made bargains and sssuch, just let me finish. She asked me to ward Earth from otherworldly menaces. Not the usual meddling , but what She meant is still unclear to me. Sssshe offered to give me sssomething of my choice when I said I needed time to think. I mean, I still don't know what can I do with thisssh assshura buisssinessssh , and I want to make my angel happy, and I know I will ssssscrew up ssssomehow. Yesterday I finisssshed drawing thisss mansssshion, and I wasss thinking about you all and how much Azssshiraphale isssh calm when you vissssit and I assssked for it. And Ssssshe wassss lissstening, of coursssshe and maybe got carried away and...”  
Aziraphale got up and put his fingers to Crowley's lips. The angel's eyes were brilliant with tears ready to fall.  
“My dear, you refused Her request for me?”  
“For you, everything.”  
The angel pulled Crowley on an embrace.  
“And you asked for a place for us. Near the people we both like. No need to be scared, dear. You got a little carried away, that's all.”  
Oh, the joy Crowley felt for his angel to be the one searching for contact. The relief of hearing him be like he once was. If they were alone, he could have cried.  
“Now sit, your awful strawberry tea is cold as you like it.”  
Newton was completely embarrassed just to be there, snooping on them. Anathema was somehow placated.  
“We will leave you for now, then. But we will be back with Adam this evening. I'll bake some cookies.”  
As they leave, Crowley yelled “Plasters! That's what is better off in one go!” , followed by a timid and tentative angelic laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sporadic updates, but real life is a bitch. And I'm too lazy to type. Remember that comments are free and criticism is appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit I don't know a single thing about middle school in England, so I assume it's like in Italy. 5 days a week, from 8 to 16. If is not like that, i don't care. This way works for my story. Please forgive me.

Beelzebub were still thinking about how to exact revenge.They mustered the strength to visit the Tower of London basement, and the echoes of the powers unleashed there were still strong; something strange could be sensed still lingering around.  
How could Crowley go against a Duke of Hell and an Archangel? Even with his holy water immunity, his power should be but a fraction of theirs, and he had to be at least discorporated.  
In the air, they could feel something raw and primal. It would be difficult to best who used that kind of energy.  
It was examining the traces of residual power they felt it. Just a specle of a fresh demonic essence. Could it be that simple to find a loophole? Michael had said Hastur was corrupting Gabriel. Had he almost succeeded?  
They miracled a demonic reliquary and tried.  
“Gabriel.”  
The essence beamed. Such a little thing, but it could be worked on somehow. They held the vial open.  
“Come. There is a lot to do, Gabriel.”  
When the reliquary pulsed with a purple energy, Beelzebub smiled. It was time for some serious research. They fastened the vial to their neck, hidden under the shirt, and get to work.  
\-- -- --  
The sun of a crisp autumn was shining over Tadesfiel on a perfect November afternoon.  
Crowley had already done almost all the moving with his angel always near: it was time to try the library.  
“All right, my angel. Your turn. Want to try the sofa?”  
Aziraphale started to tremble, but the thought of the tea leaves hidden away in the kitchen gave him enough strength to try. He only needed some help to steady himself.  
“Crowley… my dear, will you hold me while I try?”  
That puppy eyes would have the asura do anything.  
Gently, Crowley stepped behind the angel and held him close.  
“Is this alright for you?”, he asked on the angel’s ear.  
Memories of Hastur came unprompted into Aziraphale’s mind, -now, look at you-, and he whimpered, turning to face his love. Tears started to fill his eyes as he hides in Crowley’s chest, the cold of the new jewelry piece pressing into his cheek.  
“Please, no. I need to see you.”  
He could hear his companion heart skip a beat he didn't really need.  
“Whatever you need, angel. You can do it, She said so. You are safe. Now, can you do a little miracle for me?”  
-Now can you yell for me, pretty one?-  
The trembling wont stop and the tears found their way to the surface. But for Crowely, he would try and miracle. He thinks of his sofa, of his chair, of his desk, and calls for them to be here. He thinks about how nice they would look in this room. He can feel the miracle working, but to what extent he is unsure.  
“Aziraphale, love, you made it. Look.”  
\- I said look. At. You.-  
He burrows deeper into Crowley’s embrace.  
“Angel, I’m going to sit us on your sofa. Is that good?”  
He barely has the strength to nod, and let himself be guided onto Crowley’s lap, where he cries until falling asleep.  
Crowley patiently rocks him, and miracle the books on neat piles, hoping that sorting them will provide comfort to the angel who holds his heart.  
Checking his watch, he gently untangle himself from under Aziraphale and made way to the door.  
It was four in the evening, and Adam will be there shortly. He didn’t want his angel to be woken by the doorbell or Adam to feel clearly the pain emanating from the small asleep Principality.

He opens the door and stands near it impossibly still, lost in his thoughts.  
He Could feel the fear in Aziraphale, and knew it will take time to heal. This was wearing him thin: how easy would be to just miracle away the bad memories, making them melt like snow in spring. But meddling with his love soul like that didn't feel right. Aziraphale needed time and care, not someone else forcing his will on him.  
When Adam, Anathema and Newton entered, Crowley nearly didn’t see them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delays, so many thought on my real life are pushing me back. Thanks to all who support my passion, I love you all. As usual, comments are free.


	5. Chapter 5

"Crowley?", asked Adam.   
The asura startled. He must have been too far gone on his thoughts; that was no good at all.   
"Adam. Nice to see you."  
The young not-the-Antichrist-anymore was already munching on a cookie and looked around with attention.   
"This is a nice house. Anathema already told me most of what you said. How dare you taking trouble to Tadesfield without asking first? You are downright rude."   
He smiled.   
"But your garden will be a nice playground, and I've spotted a tree who is just right for a treehouse. And I bet that you and Aziraphale know a lot of things."   
Adam stopped, took a deep breath, and continued.   
"I know he's still hurting. I'm sorry that I can't do anything for him. Sometimes I wish I was faster with the leylines so you could find him earlier. Or I could have phoned, or just slip out and gave them to you."   
Crowley hugged the boy.   
"Adam, you did all you could. Don't worry. Here, we can help him all together. And of course that tree is for your treehouse."   
The doors to the great room opened, and they turned to face Aziraphale. He didn't seem startled or in pain as he usually was upon waking up.   
-Good-, thinks Crowley, - this is working. -   
" Adam, it's a pleasure to see you. Now, this morning I was a tad overwhelmed, and never got around showing our guests our house. Can we be excused on this?", said Aziraphale while joining them and intertwining his fingers with Crowley's.   
Crowley almost cried.   
" Let's put a kettle on the meantime, angel, and then we can show off. "  
From the front gate, somebody yelled.   
" Oi Adam! You in there? We can see Dog in the garden! Can we get in too?"   
The gate opens as soon as Pepper touches it, only to close behind Them once they are all inside.   
" Whoa, neat!", exclames Brian.   
They join the group.   
"Welcome kids. We are just about to explore the house. Care to join?", invited Aziraphale.   
As much as the garden was inviting, the Them could not refuse an invite from the angel. All moved into the kitchen, where they started a tea and fussed about the table big enough for sit down together. Anathema appreciated the two bedrooms on the top floor, and nobody was given permission to enter the greenhouse, "to not spoil the plants with your presence and nice thoughts.". The observatory enchanted Newton and Wensleydale, and all were promised sleepovers to look at the stars. The great room was appreciated by the whole group, with the big sofa, the TV set and almost every game media at disposal. Adam fell in love with the library, eyes shining with excitement for having access to all that. The stained glass windows were an absolute hit.   
"What's on the rest of the house?", asked Pepper.   
"Well, it's not a place for kids to go unguarded.", answers Crowley taking them to the sparring room.   
All stopped looking at Dawn,but the kettle whistles just before someone can ask about her.   
The Them all left for the garden, letting the grown-ups discuss inside.   
Anathema scrutinizes Aziraphale.   
" I should tell you something. Agnes gave me a message for you."  
"How exciting! Too bad she didn't write another book. All this haunting must be stressful."   
Nobody had dared to tell him that the book had been willingly burned.   
"Yes, too bad. She said " Tell the blonde one he should work on his training". I was unsure about the meaning until I saw the sword back there. That's the one from the airfield, even if now feels different. "  
The thought of Aziraphale fighting paralized Crowley. The cup he was holding fell to the ground, shattering.   
" He will not have to fight. "  
Aziraphale could sense the power building around his dear, ready to strike.   
" If Agnes says so, he will probably need to."   
"He. Will. Not. Fight."   
The pendant started to glow faintly.   
Aziraphale placed a hand Crowley's arm.   
"My dear, I'm afraid of it as you are. But I was given a sword, and I should at least try and remember the basics."   
Crowley calms down.   
"But you will not fight."   
"Not unless it's unavoidable, my dear boy."   
Without asking permission, Crowley turned and sank into Aziraphale's chest.   
"I could not bare to lose you. I will do anything to keep you safe."   
Trembling, Aziraphale carded through the asura's red hair.   
"Then let me train."   
Newton broke the moment.   
"Well, I suppose it's better if we see ourselves out. It's almost time for supper, for us who need it. Come, Anathema. And we better send the kids home too, else their parents get crazy with worries." 

\---  
In the garden, the Them were facing one of their archnemesis, second only to the Johnsonites : the old Paterson, self appointed neighborhood watchman.   
" You kids better get out before the owners know it. And be sure your parents will hear of this. You are nothing but trouble."   
Anathema and Newton get to the door just in time to hear him. The old man tries their push the gate open with no luck. Dog barks at him.   
Crowley sensed the wards on the gate flaring against ill intentions, and pops just behind Newton.   
" Miss Device, you are kind to welcome the owners. Will you please take inform them that pests are roaming the garden?"   
It was Crowley to respond.   
"No pests will dare to enter."   
"Those little hooligans…"   
"They are our estimated guests, and have an open invitation to share with us their time as they like. Invitation which, I'm sad to say, doesn't apply to you.", huffes Aziraphale crossing his arms and looking sternly at him.   
"So you are…"  
"How rude of us. I'm Mr. Fell, he's Mr. Crowley. And those are our friends, if it's not a problem to you, of course."   
"Not that we care", added Crowley before calling the kids.   
"I believe is time to go home. Remember, if you kids need help our house is always open and at your disposal. And you", he points, "will better leave the gate alone. He does not like you."   
All the Them hugged Aziraphale, then ran past the snooping intruder while the gate opened to let them pass.  
“It’s the last domotic technology. Crowley is very into it.” , said Adam.  
Newton and Anathema were just behind Them, and the gate close as soon as they are over it.  
“See you whenever you want.”, waved Aziraphale from the door.  
Then, ignoring the still gaping men, they retracted into their house. Aziraphale let out a sigh.  
“I hope I was not unpleasant.”  
He then turned to face Crowley.  
“My dear, I know you are just worried about me. But I can see now that you need rest too. When was the last time you slept?”  
His hands started trembling. He didn’t know how much time he could keep being strong before finishing all this resolve and curling on the floor.   
Crowley averts his gaze and mumbles something.   
"Darling, I can't hear you."   
"When we last shared a dream.", whispers the asura.   
Aziraphale gasps in shock.   
"So it was really you. You did see me. You…"   
Strong hands stopped him from kneeling.   
"Angel, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to intrude. I was worried about you, and I didn't know at first, but then something was off and I knew and please, Aziraphale, forgive me."   
Aziraphale was confused. Crowley had seen him at his worst, crying in pain and covered in filth. Why did Crowley need to be forgiven? He was the one who should beg for..  
-beg me for it, pretty one.   
No, no, no. This is wrong. Hastur is gone.   
He moves a hand and catches onto Crowley's cross, cold against his increasingly sweaty palm. Under it he can feel Crowley's heart beating too fast, and the rising of his chest. This is Crowley. This is safe. He let himself relax into his love arms.   
Two weeks.   
It was two weeks since Crowley last slept. His vessel should be so exhausted, used as it was to enjoy regular rest.   
Aziraphale found a last bit of strength.   
"My dear, you need to rest. I seem to recall we have a very comfortable bed upstairs. Please, will you sleep in it? With me?"   
He even throws in some puppy eyes.   
"If this is what you want of me, my angel, then you shall have it."   
Once in the master bedroom, Aziraphale tried a miracle to change for the night. It worked, and Crowley looked at him with adoration for this small feat.   
"Up you go, angel. Comfy under the covers."   
"And you, my dear? You promised…"   
Crowley shushes him.   
"I promised to sleep here, in bed, with you. But I want to be ready for anything. I'll stay over the covers."   
-To better resist the want of you-, he thinks.   
Aziraphale wasn't completely happy, but he could see it would be the best he could get.   
Soon they were both asleep, hands holding under the cushions.


	6. Chapter 6

For the first time in forever, they were both sound asleep.

Aziraphale found himself in a dark and menacing forest, long branches reaching for him and entacling into his clothes, Hastur and Gabriel’s voices whispering in the wind. He was about to scream when a light appeared in front of him, revealing a meadow. Crowley was there, perching on a rock, and jumped down to reach for him at the wood’s edge. The angel took the hand stretched towards him and was pulled into the moonlight.

“I’m here, my love.”, whispered Crowley softly.

“Are you? Or is this my imagination?”

Crowley looked fondly into his eyes.

“I’m here. I can feel you, all of you, all of your torment, all of your fear, and all your good thoughts drowning in it. Say a word, and I’ll leave you be, but I would be honoured if you allow me to stay here with you.”

Aziraphale looked behind, to the dark shadows waiting to engulf him, then back into Crowley’s eyes, filled with adoration even after all he did. Voices on the wind…

-Feel free to scream to tell me how much you are enjoying-

Tentatively, he moved deeper in the meadow without releasing Crowley’s hand.

“Please. Stay with me.”

He walked to the center, in the full of the dim light, and sat them both aside the boulder.  
There was an eerie peace, the dark woods still looming menacingly, but with Crowley near they were only memories of a bad dream.  
The asura slumped into his companion’s chest and let the angel cuddle him and card through his hair.

“Crowley, do you realize what this mean? Us being here, together?”

“No, my love. And I don’t care, if this makes you happy.”, murmured the asura relaxing in the angel’s touch.

“My dear, you should care. Our ethereal essences search for each other. We are, for all purposes, what a human could call soulmates.”

Crowley’s eyes open wide, only yellow showing.

“Don’t joke with me, angel”

“My sweetest, I could never! It’s strange you didn’t reach the same conclusion.”

Aziraphale, in this safe place inside his dreams, irradiated sheer love. All for Crowley. The peace he found in this situation made him feel strong and bold.Slightly trembling, he cupped Crowley’s cheek with his free hand and tilted his face up.

“Crowley… Before I feel too scared… Before we wake up… Can I please kiss you?”

Crowley’s heart skipped a beat.  
“Please, my love. Take whatever you want or need of me.”

Aziraphale’s eyes closed for a moment,while the angel leaned in and kissed lightly the asura’s lips.

Crowley fought the impulse of deepening the kiss, of ravishing the being he loved so much, to not scare him away. When the angel nibbled his lips and asked for access, he gladly granted it.  
This kiss was for Crowley a blessing on his own, feeling clearly that Aziraphale didn’t condemn him for what he had to endure.  
This kiss was for Aziraphale a warm blanket to chase the monsters still hidden in this dream. Maybe in the morning they will be back, but for now he was safe and in control.

They go along kissing for the rest of the night.

\--- --- ---

Just before dawn, Aziraphale woke up, for once without screams or fears. His hand was still entangled with Crowley’s and his beloved was peacefully asleep.

He freed himself from the covers and get up as slowly as he could, then he made way to the walk in closet, proceeding to choose a pair of trousers and a comfortable shirt before heading to the bathroom.  
Aziraphale refreshed himself, dressed up and, after checking on Crowley, reached the sparring room.

He stopped in front of Dawn.

“It seems I really did the wrong thing, giving you away. You did a lot of good, tho. I hope you can forgive me.”, he said before grabbing the handle.

A flood of love and serenity passed into his arm, and he knew Dawn wasn’t angry at him.

Trying to remember his long neglected training, he started a simple routine and let his body remember, cutting off his terrified mind.

Crowley woke up alone in the firsts light of the day, feeling rested from all the kisses exchanged during the night. He then became terrified finding the other side of the bed empty.

Frantically, he exited the bedroom and hears some noises coming from the sparring room. From the balcony over it, he sees him.

Aziraphale is going through the motions of a routine, shirt collar open and sleeves rolled up. Crowley stops staring at him, movements clear and precise. A mean fighting machine. It took all his control not to jump down and claim that majestic beauty. He can feel the fears in the back of the angel’s mind being reined in by the discipline of training.

Maybe this could truly help him.

Without a sound, the asura reaches the kitchen. After so much training, his angel would be famished.

Something Aziraphale didn’t know yet, is that Crowley, over the millennia, learned to cook, hoping against hope to get the angel to taste his dishes.

This would be a good chance to show off.

\--- --- ---

Aziraphale stops mid-motion, a pleasant smell in the air.  
Oh Lord, he is positively starving.  
He thanks Dawn before putting her back on the rack, and trots to the kitchen.  
Inside, there is a bountiful banquet, and Crowley in the middle of all, smiling.  
He moves to reach for him, but then he felt the sweat on his body.

He didn’t need to sweat, of course, but he forgot not to and now he felt sticky and -delicious-, whispered his mind.  
He freezes on the spot and starts trembling: his fears, kept at bay by Crowley the night and the training in the dawn, flooded him.

He feels a hand on his shoulder and swats it away.  
“Angel, Aziraphale, please, my angel, breath slowly, you can do it, please.”  
The litany registers. Somehow he steadies his breath and look up into two worried golden eyes.

“Sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to.Please.”

“My sweet angel, can I hold you?”

“You don’t want to. I’m all dirty and…”

Crowley cut him short.  
“Shussss, nothing of that. I could old you exactly as you are now for all eternity and be grateful.Now, would you like to eat something?”

The food maintained the perfect temperature. Even the food feared Crowley’s rage.

“I know it’s no Paris, but I would be happy if you would try my crepes.”

Aziraphale found himself seated, and tasted the food.

“Are you sure this is not from Paris?”

Crowley beamed.  
“I’ve made them for you. It took ages to learn, but only the best for you.”

The thought of Crowley learning to cook just to please him warmed Aziraphale.  
Since it was a long time since he enjoyed a meal, and it was only polite, he tried to taste all, but he couldn't finish all the bounty Crowley prepared.

With a smile, Crowley miracled all the still intact plates away.

“You shouldn't have, dear. That was really good.”

“I know, angel. It’s why some people in need will find them in their homes.”

Aziraphale sported the sweetest smile in a long time.

“Now come, angel. If I were you, I would take a long relaxing bath. Do not worry, I’ll stay in the bedroom if you need anything.”

\--- --- ---

Down in Hell, Beelzebub were on they secluded quarters. Every now and then, they caressed the vial and murmured praises to the essence, while searching for a soultion they knew was near.


	7. Chapter 7

After the bath, Aziraphale would have gladly take a nap, but his vessel was not on the same page.Every single muscle hurt and burned like dipped in hellfire.That was...good?  
The physical discomfort kept the fears at bay still. This kind of pain was not from Hastur. This was training, honing abilities so nobody could try again to hurt him.

Crowley was waiting just outside the bathroom door.

“It’s all alright, my love?”

“Oh yes, my dear. I’m just a bit sore from exercising, I suppose. Would you be so kind to help me with my books?”

Peace flooded Crowley’s senses. If that was the effect training had on the angel, he will have him practice every single moment.The memory of Aziraphale that morning washed over him. So focused. So strong. If Apocalypse had happened, that would probably be the last thing he would ever saw.

His angel towering over him and striking the final blow. It would be a glorious way to die, see Aziraphale at full divine power, resplendent with vindictive grace.

Evidently Crowley lost himself in that thought, because the next thing he knows is Aziraphale gently holding his shoulder and looking at him slightly worried.

“My dear, is there a problem? Nevermind about the books, we can just sit on the couch. Crowley?”

“It’s all good, angel. Let’s go to your books: I’ll galdy watch while you work.”

Sprawled on the couch, eyes closed, Crowely listened to Aziraphale fretting over his beloved collection. 

They decided that the books not right yet for the kids will have to go in the hightests shelves, just to be sure.Not that, in Crowley’s opinion, this could stop adam, but it was worth a try.

Slowly, the asura let his thoughts drift.  
He lusted over the angel for centuries, before acknowledging he was in love. In the short time they had after Apoconot, he didn’t push the subject, afraid of scaring away Aziraphale. Knowing that someone else had forcefully taken what he restrained to pick enraged him. It was not Azirapale’s fault, and Crowley was scared of talking about it and awaken guilt in his beloved.  
But seeing him that morning had stirred his needs, and hearing him tutting at the state of some tomes as nothing had happened did nothing to alleviate the pain.  
The asura knew he would have to wait.Sadly, his vessel wasn’t on the same page.

“Crowley, are you still awake? Don’t you dare to nap without me!”

He stands up.

“Sure, angel. I think I will like a shower. Go on with your books, I will join you later.”

Leaving a baffled Aziraphale, Crowley slithered away hoping that his arousal would pass unnoticed.  
Under the cold water, he took hastly care of himself, ashamed of his treacherous reactions. His angel didn’t need to know this, didn’t need to be pestered with his corporeal wanting. Aziraphale needed time to heal and decide what he wanted. And if he would ask only for ethereal kisses for all eternity, that’s what he was going to have.  
Crowley exited the bathroom still wet, without clothes, thinking Aziraphale would be lost within his books.

He was wrong.

The angel was sitting on one of the armchairs, facing the door.Facing him.

Feeling his face reddening, Crowley miracled himself dressed and shades on his hand.

“You don’t need them, my dear. Please, never with me. I believe is time for us to talk.”

Aziraphale voice was trembling, the effort to not run away easily read in his posture.

Crowley puts the glasses on the nearest surface, and sits on the bed.

“Sssssorry angel, I will be more conssssiderate.”

He could not raise his eyes to meet Aziraphale’s, sure the angel will be scared of him.

“No, Crowley, you are so god with me. I felt your desire while you were running away, and now there is something I need to know.”

The angel drew a profound breath he didn’t need to steady himself, hands gripping the armchair. In a sob, he asked.

“Are you disgusted by me? Am I just spoiled goods now?”

Crowley jumped up and ran to his angel, kneeling at his feets.

“Never.”

He didn’t dare to touch or watch up. Aziraphale didn’t talk, and the silence was killing him.

“Aziraphale, my angel. Forgive me, but it’s true: I want you. I can’t stop it. But I will wait. I will wait for the day you will want me the same way, and I don’t care if it will never come. Please, forgive me.”

Tears were tracing Crowley’s face. Aziraphale followed them with a thumb.His vessel ached for Crowley’s touch, but his mind blocked him.

“I wanted to be yours.”

Crowley’s heart sank at the words.  
-Wanted, this means now it’s not true anymore. He’s rejecting me. I’m being cast out of Heaven again.-

Feeling Crowley tense at his words, The angel goes on.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner. And right now, right here, I keep hearing his voice every time I think of touching you.  
I want you, Crowley.  
But I’m scared of my desires.  
So, no, I wont forgive you for wanting me. I’m here to beg forgiveness for my indecision.”

The asura mind took a moment to understand.  
-he won’t forgive me, he won’t forgive me, he… is asking me to forgive?-

“I won’t. You have the right to choose for yourself. They did you wrong, and I’m willing to atone to you for their sins.”

Aziraphale collapses onto him.

“Don’t”

And then Crowley has his lips captured by Aziraphale’s, both crying, their tears mixing. The angel arms are around him, but he’s scared of holding him back.  
Aziraphale release him.

“Dear? I trust you. I know you will stop for me if I ask. Please, trust me to ask. Let me be here for you as I wanted. As you want.”

The love in that words broke Crowley. He suddenly holds Aziraphale’s waist, let himself kiss the angel, nibble at his lips, move slowly to chase the pulse on his neck. The angel’s hands entangled in his hair, keeping him close, not pushing away. When he boldly nibbles at the base of the neck, the angel stills.Immediatly, the asura release him.

“Sorry. It was too soon.”

Aziraphale shakes his head.

“I’m sorry. Just… It's so hard.”

Crowley caresses his head gently.

“If I could share your pain, I would.”

He takes his love hand, and pulls up.

“I think I will have that nap, now. Care to join?”

Both lay down on the bed and drift to sleep, each one the anchor to keep the other from bad thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, my writing time is limited. Please comment liberaly, comments and kudos are the fuel to keep me going.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, comment whatever you want. I need your input to grow better. Think about me as one of Crowley's plants.  
If you feel like, my Tumblr is doublematch.


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